


HANDS

by nanjcsy



Series: The Unforgiven [23]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Other, Regrets, Senses, past and present abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-18 15:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2353817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/nanjcsy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theon has always noticed hands</p>
            </blockquote>





	HANDS

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [HANDS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6273526) by [Scolopendre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scolopendre/pseuds/Scolopendre)



HANDS IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN JUST HANDS, IT IS WHAT HE FEELS, HE SEES, ALWAYS NOTICED.  THE HANDS.

_At first gentle ones, safe, soft ones that cared, that lifted and held so securely, sometimes a song came with those hands._

_**It changes again now these are clumsy hands, not hurting yet hurting, always afraid they will drop him.  They are not safe hands, but they are familiar, salty, sweaty, inexperienced hands with an impatient voice.** _

_**HANDS, HANDS, THESE HURT, THEY ARE CALLOUSED AND ROUGH FROM TAKING WHAT THEY WANT.   AND WHATEVER THESE HURTFUL HANDS WANT HE CANNOT SEEM TO GIVE.  THEY SHOVE, THEY SLAP AND HOLD A STRAP THAT BURNS THAT STINGS THAT NEVER STOPS IT SEEMS AND HE HATES THESE HANDS, HATES THEM HATES HATES HATES daddy please, i will try harder, love me, praise me, why why HAND SHOVE AND HANDS PUSH AWAY AND NEW ONES AGAIN....** _

His own hands, tiny compared to the large hands next to his.  This will be the last time maybe, ever to smell the salt air, so suck in, breathe it deep and hold it...holding while his frozen hands dig splinters deep from the railing, his last ship maybe....

HANDS ARE SO LARGE, THEY HOLD A SWORD, IT IS GOD SIZED AND IT HAS TAKEN HEADS, HE HIDES HIS OWN SHAKING HANDS, BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HIDE HIS NECK, IN CASE.  HANDS THAT TRY TO BE FAIR AND PATIENT, TEACHING AND SOMETIMES HURTING ONLY IN FAIRNESS, BUT THAT SWORD IN THOSE HANDS HAUNT NIGHTMARES, NOT FAIR THOSE HANDS ARE BAD TOO.....  

_Not all hands are terrible things, for instance, the touch of friendship, the hands are good natured, that is not bad, even the smaller grasping hands of smaller foster siblings.  He learns not to shrug these hands away, but to return his hands in like.  Then come soft pretty hands, that know tricks that can take his breath away, make him gasp and groan.  Hands that make him forget bad hands, pain, fear and memories for a fleeting moment.  This is the best he can have so far, so he relishes the hands, the friendships and pleasures had from hands.  He knows all too well how fast these things change.  And they do, change of course...._

**_Hands change again, salt water and wooden ships again, swords and arrows in his calloused hands.  Hands of his youth are back, just as angry, impatient and hurtful._**   He is dismissed, unwanted, distrusted and no hands want to touch him at all.  Is this worse, he does not know.  So his own hands cause a note to burn, cause the last of a family to fall, create disaster and cinders.  Even though another allowed the death blows, his hands were covered in the blood and soot of two miller boys.  Two deaths on his hands, staining forever, branding deeper than those old splinters still caught in flesh.

 **OUT OF DARK, SMOKE AND FIRE COME NEW HANDS.  ALL HURT, ALL PAIN, ALL SHOCK, UNENDING, WRENCHING SCREAMS, HE BEGS, HE ASKS, BUT IT IS ALL DARK, ALL PAIN AND THE HANDS, THEY HURT.  THEY SMELL OF DOGS, OF BLOOD, HE CAN FEEL SHARP, JAGGED NAILS, WET WITH BLOOD, HIS OWN BLOOD.  AND HIS HANDS, BOUND, HELPLESS, THE NAILS PRIED OUT, ONE FINGER SKINNED, LOST TO BONE, LOST TO A SHARP KNIFE, OH HIS POOR HANDS.**   please, oh please, i will call you master, you call me reek, yes, anything at all, because because WHAT IS IN HIS HANDS NOW?? **HANDS CAN HOLD A BLADE THAT MOVES SO SLOWLY, CAREFULLY, OH THE FIRE, THE DAMNING HELLISH AGONY, THE HANDS CAN MISLEAD AND TRICK SO EASILY....DAMNED HANDS, DEMON HANDS, ALL POWERFUL, THEY CAN HOLD ANYTHING, THEY CAN HURT WITH ANYTHING and oh, please, anything, anything, please please please please...  
**

_He learns to lick and kiss these hands, to cower before them, to worship them.  Sometimes, if he is very lucky, very behaved, those hands can be kind.  They pet his dirty hair, fingers trace his wounds without digging in.  The hands have touched everywhere, they have created, crafted and carved till they were the only hands ever.  Even when those hands touch shameful parts, Reek opens like a whore, like the shameful sick little shit his father always knew he was.  Because his own hands had very few fingers left, not much skin left only bone remains in some spaces.  Useless hands and his Master has strong capable hands.  He needs these other hands, they steady him, move him, hurt him, care for him.  
_

**_HANDS HANDS STRIP AWAY EACH LAYER AGAIN AND AGAIN UNTIL THE HANDS CAN BE NICE AGAIN.  HE LETS HIMSELF BE FOOLED AND GRATEFUL EVERY TIME THESE HANDS ARE ALL THAT ARE LEFT.  ON RARE MOMENTS, THE HANDS ARE SO GENTLE AND KIND, HE CAN ALMOST IMAGINE THAT SONG FROM SO LONG  AGO, WHEN HE FIRST NOTICED HANDS AT ALL._ **


End file.
